Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
high people should be assigned attendants
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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