Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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