I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
