I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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