how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
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We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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