YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
