there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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