What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
