this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
third nipple confirmed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
