i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
