I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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