I wish I could teleport
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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