I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
