a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
