it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
