3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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