i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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