I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i think my cat just said my name.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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