Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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