Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
