piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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