I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
