He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i think i just lost a toe
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