every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
