i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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