the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I touched a dick in church today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
