Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
