Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Bring me that man meat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
