I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
