I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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