Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
