Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
