I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
