His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
