I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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