captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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