Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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