Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
