Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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