apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
