They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
