you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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