I puked a lego.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
