perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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