There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
