She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
