Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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