Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
someone owes me an orgasm
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
