there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
