I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
