We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
