I am puke
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
