Im at strip club and am horny
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
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I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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