Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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