I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.