I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.