Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.