I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles