They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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