my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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