we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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