I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
