Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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