I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
