I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
