**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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