it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
