speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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