We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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