Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
