thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In America we eat man semen.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
