I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
